I WANT FREE STUFF

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  1. DISCLAIMER:  The American people are charitable people, and they willingly and compassionately care for those among us who are sickly, elderly, and physically or mentally challenged.  I am NOT, under any circumstances, suggesting that we deny those incapable of caring for themselves the help they need.  However, we all know there are millions among us who are able-bodied, yet, prefer to live off the blood and sweat of the working man.  These deadbeats, like the aristocratic elite, are sucking the life from our economy.  I wrote this poem, and I am dedicating it to the deadbeats!

                               I Want Free Stuff

    President Obama says that I should have more stuff.

    He wants to take it from the rich, he says they have enough.

    He says he’ll take more taxes and give them to the poor.

    I say, “Bring it on, Obama, cause I could use some more.”

    I get tired of all the whining from the working middle class.

    They think because they have a job that I sit on my ass.

    Well, I’ve got news for them, cause I’m not sittin on  my duff.

    I drive around the town at night just lookin’ for free stuff.

    People always say to me, “Get out and get a job!”

    Now that ain’t gonna happen, I’ll just find someone to rob!

    I tried to work a couple days, but hell, now that was rough!

    I figured, “Man, this workin’s crap, I’d rather find free stuff.”

    I got my girlfriend pregnant, but I ain’t messin’ with no kid.

    And if she’s wantin’ child support, I’m thinkin’ “God Forbid”.

    I ain’t nobody’s daddy, I’m outta here in a puff.

    The only thing I’m wantin’ is findin’ more free stuff.

    I picked up a Christmas basket, well, I really picked up three.

    I got all I could carry, cause I got them all for free.

    Ham and cheese and coffee, and even marshmallow fluff.

    I’ll be eatin’ good for days because I got free stuff.

    They made me take an IQ test to see if I was dumb.

    I sat there lookin’ goofy and chewing on my thumb.

    Them questions were real  easy, but I said, “Them was tough.”

    I’m thinkin’ “Get me outta here,  just give me my free stuff.”

    My luck just ain’t no good, and I even lost my car.

    Some cop, he was awaitin’ outside this local bar.

    He walks up to my door and says, “Man, you’ve had enough.”

    I said, “I don’t want no trouble, I’m just lookin’ for free stuff.”

    I went to seven doctors and said I’d hurt my neck.

    I said, “Doc, I need some pain pills, I  had a real bad wreck.”

    One doctor said, “Okay, will a hundred be enough?”

    Oh my God!  I scored again!  I got some more free stuff!

    The check they send me every month, well it don’t pay the bills.

    It ain’t my fault, I got no choice, I gott sell them pills.

    I gotta buy some smokes and beer, and a little gas to huff.

    I don’t know just what I’d do if it weren’t for my free stuff!

    So, please, vote for Hillary, cause she’ll give me lots more money.

    A vote for him will keep me in the land of milk and honey.

    I should get an Oscar for the world’s biggest bluff!

    Life is good. I got it made, cause I got my free stuff!

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