DISCLAIMER: The American people are charitable people, and they willingly and compassionately care for those among us who are sickly, elderly, and physically or mentally challenged. I am NOT, under any circumstances, suggesting that we deny those incapable of caring for themselves the help they need. However, we all know there are millions among… us who are able-bodied, yet, prefer to live off the blood and sweat of the working man. These deadbeats, like the aristocratic elite, are sucking the life from our economy. I wrote this poem, and I am dedicating it to the deadbeats!
I Want Free Stuff
President Obama says that I should have more stuff.
He wants to take it from the rich, he says they have enough.
He says he’ll take more taxes and give them to the poor.
I say, “Bring it on, Obama, cause I could use some more.”
I get tired of all the whining from the working middle class.
They think because they have a job that I sit on my ass.
Well, I’ve got news for them, cause I’m not sittin on my duff.
I drive around the town at night just lookin’ for free stuff.
People always say to me, “Get out and get a job!”
Now that ain’t gonna happen, I’ll just find someone to rob!
I tried to work a couple days, but hell, now that was rough!
I figured, “Man, this workin’s crap, I’d rather find free stuff.”
I got my girlfriend pregnant, but I ain’t messin’ with no kid.
And if she’s wantin’ child support, I’m thinkin’ “God Forbid”.
I ain’t nobody’s daddy, I’m outta here in a puff.
The only thing I’m wantin’ is findin’ more free stuff.
I picked up a Christmas basket, well, I really picked up three.
I got all I could carry, cause I got them all for free.
Ham and cheese and coffee, and even marshmallow fluff.
I’ll be eatin’ good for days because I got free stuff.
They made me take an IQ test to see if I was dumb.
I sat there lookin’ goofy and chewing on my thumb.
Them questions were real easy, but I said, “Them was tough.”
I’m thinkin’ “Get me outta here, just give me my free stuff.”
My luck just ain’t no good, and I even lost my car.
Some cop, he was awaitin’ outside this local bar.
He walks up to my door and says, “Man, you’ve had enough.”
I said, “I don’t want no trouble, I’m just lookin’ for free stuff.”
I went to seven doctors and said I’d hurt my neck.
I said, “Doc, I need some pain pills, I had a real bad wreck.”
One doctor said, “Okay, will a hundred be enough?”
Oh my God! I scored again! I got some more free stuff!
The check they send me every month, well it don’t pay the bills.
It ain’t my fault, I got no choice, I gott sell them pills.
I gotta buy some smokes and beer, and a little gas to huff.
I don’t know just what I’d do if it weren’t for my free stuff!
So, please, vote for Hillary, cause she’ll give me lots more money.
A vote for him will keep me in the land of milk and honey.
I should get an Oscar for the world’s biggest bluff!
Life is good. I got it made, cause I got my free stuff!