I APOLOGIZE, BUT I DIDN’T DO IT

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“Okay, I admit it. I did some sexual things to you without your permission, but it wasn’t as bad as you remember it.” Those are the paraphrased words of Geraldo Rivera to Bette Midler.

You see, Midler has been carrying around Geraldo’s dirty little secret for many years. In the 1970s Geraldo and his producer drugged and groped Midler while interviewing her. But Midler didn’t forget, and she told Barbara Walters in a 1991 interview.

Joining the recent “Me Too” girls, Midler has released the portion of the interview video in which she squealed on Rivera. Geraldo apologized for the incident but says he remembers it differently.

Hey Geraldo, I bet you do remember it differently. You remember it is as the pig who assaulted Midler, and she remembers it as the victim of the pig attack.

Midler’s accuses Geraldo and his producer of drugging her by waving something under her nose and then groping her. Two on one. Huh, Geraldo?

In what can only be described as ridiculous and ambiguous, Rivera tweeted, “Although I recall the time Bette has alluded to much differently than she, that does not change the fact that she has the right to speak out and demand an apology from me, for in the very least embarrassing her publicly “all those years ago.” Bette, I apologize.

First of all, if Geraldo recalls the incident, something untoward happened. Secondly, I like the part about “all those years ago.” “Oh yeah, I was a pig, but that was eons ago.” Thirdly, Geraldo acknowledges that Midler has the right to speak out. How totally gracious of him to concede to her rights.

But NO!, NO!, NO!, Geraldo, she doesn’t have the right to demand an apology if she isn’t telling the truth. And if you weren’t guilty, you would be screaming your innocence from the roof top. You would most definitely not apologize.

By apologizing Rivera is trying to shut Midler down. His “okay I did it,I’m sorry, let’s move on really quick strategy is so obvious. He needs to prevent hemorrhaging.

And we know this, because Midler’s continual complaining about Geraldo’s assault emboldens other women, who are undoubtedly out there, who were also his victims. Midler can release that avalanche that can’t be stopped. And no matter how hard he tries, if Geraldo gets caught in that landslide, he will never dig his way out.

I must admit that I think it’s funny. Midler is no saint or she would have reported Rivera’s attack decades ago, but it could have hurt her career. Oh my, what a girl won’t do for fame and fortune!

And Geraldo is an arrogant liberal member of the porcine family who likes to post selfies of himself in the bathroom with a towel hanging dangerously low and barely covering his wrinkle-up stuff.

Good luck, Geraldo. You might not be the grand master of this sexual predator parade, but I think you just might have your own float in it. And I will be smiling as you go by.

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